Poulton FC vs Hurst Green – A Day of Unlikely Heroes

On a breezy afternoon at Cottom Hall, Poulton FC played host to Hurst Green in a match that will be remembered more for its curious goals and comedic moments than the weather.

Poulton started brightly, with Scammell leading the charge early on. In the 26th minute, Scammell’s persistence paid off when he was fouled in the box, courtesy of a Hurst Green defender who clearly hadn’t read the part of the manual about subtlety. Up stepped Landy, who never wanting to make things easy, decided to use the inside edge of the post to put away the penalty. The ball ricocheted in with such precision that it left the goalkeeper staring in disbelief, wondering if Landy had secretly calculated the angle with a protractor.

Poulton doubled their lead in the 34th minute when Landy’s shot was parried by the keeper, only for Callum Dickinson to be in the right place at the right time, calmly tapping in the rebound. Just after this, Midds rose like a salmon from a corner, only to see his powerful header brilliantly saved by the Hurst Green keeper, who seemed to be auditioning for a role as a flying superhero.

The second half continued with Poulton in control. In the 54th minute, Corey, who had spent most of the first half chatting up the officials, finally decided it was time to contribute on the pitch. He found the net with his supposedly weaker right foot, further confounding everyone who thought they knew his game.

The day’s strangest goal came in the 74th minute, courtesy of Ralph. Somehow, he managed to score with his back, completely unaware that he’d even done so. Whether it was luck or an accidental masterclass in unorthodox finishing, Ralph’s goal will undoubtedly be the subject of many pub discussions.

As the game neared its conclusion, Barty provided the final bit of entertainment, living up to his unfortunate nickname. In the dying stages, he managed to get cramp in both legs simultaneously, collapsing in a heap that left him resembling a pair of broken “scissors” scattered across the pitch.

After the match, manager Dale Azzopardi summed things up “That was a solid performance throughout, and we were never really troubled. We kept possession of the ball well, and defended strongly when called upon. It was pleasing to have four different goal scorers again.’

When the final whistle blew, Poulton secured a 4-0 victory, leaving Hurst Green scratching their heads. Poulton, on the other hand, walked off the pitch with smiles all around, especially Ralph, who was still trying to figure out how he scored.

The lads now move onto Tuesday night where they travel to local rivals Wrens Rovers.